i hate politics

i mean what's the point, nothing ever changes.

what bothers me is the amount of hate some people have for president barack o. i still have my move on barack/biden stickers on my truck (why not? i didn't vote for the losing team plus i paid for those stickers and my bumper would be naked without them. more importantly: mind your own buisness, that's why ) and i can't believe how some people blow in my face when they see it.

i'm not saying everyone has to like him. but at least have a valid argument for not liking him. and at least don't have give yourself a hemorrhage hating him. or wishing ill-will to the president and his family. this whole 'pretty soon the gov'ment is gonna be telling us how to wipe are asses!' is very paranoid. Seek-medical-assistance paranoid.

i mean they pratically foam at the mouth. or look like they are weighing the pros and cons of punching a barely 5'5'' 105lb chic in the face. for the first one: no thank you, i've heard rabies shots are administered in the tummy and are painful. to the second: that will be a cold day in hell, someone hitting me in my face... with impunity.

now i did not like bush at all. it's his fault things are as bad as they are. but i wasn't reading the riot act to people who voted for him (not that he needed votes the second time around when he 'won'). i can find far better things to expedite my day, thanks (ie: playing spider solitaire on hard mode). plus my parents raised me as such that, like him or not, the president deserves respect.

i'm a liberal and, at times, a democratic. and as long as sarah palin and the far right are plum-crazy, as long as glen beck is scribbling crazy shit on a blackboard (can he at least get a dry erase board?), i'll continue to be. politics is like religion or one's sexual preference (umm maybe i shouldn't sandwich religion between those two topics?), different strokes for different folks. i say pee-can, you (retardly) say peh-cahn (yeah that just sounds stupid, 'peh-cahn twirls').

in conclusion, i am absolutely never removing those stickers. no! i don't care if i live in this backwoods, i-don't-like-change, 90% republican town. i guess they'll just have to be angry and tail gate me some more. i have an explorer, so unless their little sedan is going to grow into a big wheel monster truck, i'll continue to be utterly oblivious. if insurance wasn't such a mess, i'd consider hitting the breaks so they'd run in the back of me and be at fault for following too close. but like i said, i have better things to do.


the cool down (well barely)

I hate going to bed with my hackles raised. Mandie has to go for her bath tomorrow so tomorrow is going to be a shitty day for me. Pacing and crying and calling the vet every 15 minutes to check on her. Bastards.

About time they put Zack in Kingdom Hearts. Not that I give two shakes of a rat's ass about KH. I got over Disney crap before I was a teen. I wouldn't have cared IF they didn't have Cloud in the game. They HAD to have Zack in a game to outdo that **** Cloud. Zack is infinitesimally greater than Cloud. Hate hate hate Cloud.

edit: So I'm watching that Teen Mom on MTV and Catelyn's mom just cursed her teenage daughter out. Fuck you Catelyn. You don't do anything, asshole, So fucking lazy. Condescending bitch. So right, umm...CPS please? What kind of mother is that??? Me and my mom are like this *crosses fingers*, son! :D

no sister brigade to the rescue? wth...?

I have to save up money to visit the little brother. Those cold hearted English bastard's are making him world-weary I think.

I was chatting with him on skype and he was telling me how, in the hanger he works in, because there are so many pigeons (what?) the send in a hawk handler and a guy with a shot gun to shot the birds. My brother says little kids are in there too and every time a pigeon is felled the kids jump up and down and shout "Yeah! you got the fucker!". He also added that one day, a bird fell on top of his boot, and he had to clean away the blood.

My brother can be a jerk, but like me, he has a weak spot for animals, and the fact he even told me about it lets me know that he is hurting. Typical man, he would never say that he is homesick, lonely, or that his feelings are hurt. I can't imagine trying to work and watching people shoot pigeons. Before we moved (way back when) my dad owned an apartment building and so we woke up to pigeons cooing.

Some people look at pigeons and see rats, and I think those people are stupid assholes. If the goddamn pigeons were solid white, they'd 'ooh' and 'aww' over the beautiful majestic doves. Carrying a fucking olive branch in it's mouth. (anger=bad language)

I'm being turned into a misanthropist. Human beings are the WORST of the Creator's creations. The faster we go extinct the better. I will never understand the purpose of killing for the sake of ....what? How can people have absolutely NO concern for other living animals.

I wish I could punch those suckers right in the throat. For the pigeons, but more so, as per the big sister job description, hurting my brother's feelings.


I really want to know about my ancestors now. My paternal grandad (he raised my dad but he's not my dad's biological father), his great great grandmom was slave taken from Trinidad and Tobago who had children by the white man who owned her. It was also disturbing how they described the white slave master as 'kind and giving'??? It was slavery, did she have a choice??... I guess that's just a way to buffer the painful fact of the matter. What hurts even more, is that the owner's last name was Harris. Even though I figured as much, now I know for sure my last name was from a slave owner. My great grandparents on both sides were Native American and there's a lot of Jewish blood on Dad's side, so I wonder how Black I really am sometimes. Is my blood content high enough to be recognized in a tribe? What country did my Black ancestors come from? How would I trace any of this, given the circumstances Blacks came to America? I can't stop thinking back on that blurb though. I think, even hundred(s) of years later, I'd feel revulsion down to the core of my nuclei knowing that my progenitor was some slave owner. Jesus.... Maybe I should start calling myself Caroline X. *sigh*

I've been reading the Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present. The horrible horrible things done to Blacks in this country- the live experiments, the grave robbing. The fact that Jim Crow ended in 1965, both my parent's lifetimes. People go on and on about how better things are, but they aren't that much better. I ought to leave this country. It's hard to imagine knowing that my great great grandparents where someone else's property. The fact that my grandma and possibly even my parent's had to use separate facilities. I went to UNC, a school built mostly by slave labor in buildings named for their white slave owners, and I was completely ignorant of that fact. IGNORANT. I think learning about my last name has sent me over the edge- I'm really ashamed by it. Walking around signing the last name to someone who used to own us??? It's like still being property, what the hell is my real last name??

ahh man. 4am trains of thoughts when I have to get up in 5 hours.

thefanlistings.org & harvest moon & job quest & recession diet

So I guess I can't get along with anyone. lol. It's just my personality, but I have a very low bullshit tolerence. An allergy, have you, to bullshit. TFL is pure unadulterated BS. It has made me HATE owning a FL because I just don't want to deal with it.

Moving on, I finished playing thru HM: Hero of Leaf Village. At least the first challenge. I don't think I will be playing any more HM games. However, I think Mikari will really like Charles...he reminds me of a certain red-head she likes. hehe. Charles was funny, but hands down cutest character I have seen in a long time was *drum roll* PONTA! Sooo cute~~

Moving on, in real life news. The job search is still knock down drag out. I applied for a night shift position but have heard nothing :( The idea of getting up at 8am to work is... *Halloween/Micheal Meyers theme plays in the background* unspeakable horrifying. Unspeakably. God, I am soo old...

I saw a job for system admin for a school, but it's Unix/Linux, and I have been interning under a Windows system. So I don't have any real Unix/Linux server OS experience. I hate Windows. I really hate Windows 7. Oy vey...

My God, I had the yummiest fet. alfredo. My God. Pasta in cream sauce and it cost me 12 bucks (if i had wanted meat, either chicken or italian sausage, it would have been 15. My God). It wasn't of epic proportions (like Outback Steak House, their pasta was served in a bowl bigger than my head) but for some reason I got full quickly (the food took a while so I sipped tea and bread to keep my tummy quite). Not to be outdone, I did what any recessonista would do: I discreetly unfastened the top button of my jeans, made sure my shirt was tugged over it, and ate til I couldn't breath. (I thought I was gonna lose everything when the waitress came back and asked if I still wanted the tiramisu for dessert). I shall never be defeated by a bowl of pasta! I see that will have to be a rare treat though, 14 bucks (2 bucks for the tea) for one dinner is a little too ritsy for me (but it was sooo good, so heart stoppingly artery cloggingly good!). I really have to learn how to make afredo sauce. Mine always turns out lumpy. The cheese just doesn't melt properly...

(no subject)

Sort of back from the dead. In my Dreamweaver class *yawwnnn*
At 8am. /headdesk

Here was my midterm project to the sea. Which got a 96 because: font too small. Navigation hard to find (huh?), each page needs a different background (the same layout confuses people?? huh?), and each page needs a different title (people still do that in the year 2010?). Oh well. I get points taken off of everything. I am physically unable to create a webpage that looks like it came from the 1990s.

1: I refuse to leave a blue line under links (ITS FUGLY!!!!!!!) /dies
2: I can't say i like internal stylesheets, but for the sake of have less points deducted i deal with them
3: i refuse to use Dreamweaver in design mode (which probably defeats the purpose).
4:I feel like i'm cheating on notepad++

I wanted to do that Vagrant Story Sidney shrine (said in Stewie Griffin voice 'you know, that shrine you said you were going to finish? That shrine you been workin on for the past year..?'). But seeing that I would have to include Ashley (and his bare ass) i figured it just be more point deductions (Ashley! Hide your shame!).

96 our of 108 points. *throws bananas* I'd be mad but the lady teaching it gave us baggies of candy during Easter, that helped me get through (noisily) my stupid boring stupid business class (in which the instructor cracks on me every time i space out. lawlz).

Other than class. and both interning 'jobs'(i'm excited about the IT one because I was finally given passwords! I am trusted!), I have been reading. Prolifically. Furiously. It's sad we live in a day in age where the librarians are amazed someone checks out books to read for leisure and not for an assignment (or stupid twilight fad). Yes, my Goodreads account is chock full.

I've got til the end of the week to finish the Proteus effect, and Angel of Forgetfulness. As I have another list of books I must have. And plenty of Alexie Sherman to order from Amazon.

Finally (long update, i know i should stfu) I need to switch to windows7 and stop clinging to XP. I'm falling behind. I have trouble troubleshooting for people because I'm just not that familiar with Vista and 7. I think they are both...stoopid!! You can't even clear your run command list without having to go into the registry and manually deleting them.

down for the count

So unfortunately replacing the ram did no good. It has to be an issue on my motherboard. I'm up shit's creek....

I found a listing on ebay for computer repair, thousands of feedback ratings and not a single negative one. I also found, bu googling, it's a real place, just expanding their business by ebay listings. It'd only be 175 + s&h but i don't feel so good about sending my laptop, HD and all. This person could transfer the files from my HD and their are all the passwords to my saved in FF and Opera to my credit card, bank account... All sorts of person info...

If I buy a new laptop how do i get my old stuff off? I guess I'd just need to buy a transfer cable or something. I have no idea...

It's so sad, if i wake up late night wanting to check my FB or gmail, I use my PSP. And we all know how annoying typing addresses and replies in PSP is... They really ought to make a usb keyboard or something....

so God, do I need to start building an ark now?

it's been raining 3 days straight. it is uber cold and the wind is blowing so hard it knocked my umbrella over a million times and i ended up wet no matter what... this weather is a BEAST!!!!

Add that to the fact i left my fuggin lights on the 1.5 hrs i was in class and came back to a dead battery. Which meant i had to sit, wet and cold in the truck for almost half an hour waiting for someone to get me. It's because (A) i NEVER turn on the lights during daylight hours. I have never left my lights on before and (B) that truck doesn't have lights that go on and off by themselves, I have to do it manually.

God, I need my laptop working like NOW. I am biting at the bit to do my homework, study for the icnd, job hunt online, get started on this Vangrant Story shrine. LMAO way to be 26 there. I have sooo many ideas. This may be my best shrine as of yet.